Fabulous Frank: Flexuality Test


Daily Texan Comics

Fabulous Frank runs every Wednesday evening in Life & Arts.

Fabulous Frank

Editor's note: This is the second in an ongoing series about sex and sexuality. Our four columnists represent four very different sexual experiences. Fabulous Frank is the second installment.

Hello boys (and girls). My name is Fabulous Frank, emphasis on the fabulous, and I’m here to pick up where Sexy Sally left off. In fact, Sally and I have a few things in common. We both like men, and we both peak in the supersexual category on Hicks’ Flexuality Test. That’s where things change. As you probably guessed from my semi-stereotypical adjective, I’m gay.

My column is important on this sex blog because it’s the only one that gives a glimpse into the sex life of a gay man. I by no means claim to represent the gay community as a whole. It’s too diverse to convey with a single perspective. The most I can offer is honesty and perhaps a few laughs. 

If the phrase “gay sex” disturbs you, exit this window and promptly register for a human sexuality course. In my view, “gay sex” doesn’t actually exist. Sex is sex, just like love is love for you marriage equality proponents. It is a natural part of humanity, and let’s face it, it’s fun.

Fun things prompt exploration, which is why I took the Flexuality Test. The basic results did not surprise me. “Your answers on the Flexuality Test suggest you may be Gay.” Um, duh. I’ve fantasized about David Beckham for a solid decade.

Now, let’s break down my results.

I’m supersexual and versatile. On the supersexual side, I honestly do not know a man (gay or straight) who isn’t down for a little afternoon delight followed by a succulent dessert in the evening. Pair that with versatility, and you get hook-up culture, which is often intertwined with the gay scene. I’ve had my fair share of hook-ups. Grindr and the Long Island iced teas downtown make that scenario easily accessible. I go through phases where the spontaneity and surprise are satisfying enough, but as you’ll learn in future columns, there are times when unemotional sex leaves me feeling empty and yearning for something deeper.

According to the Flexuality Test, I’m also a bit ambisexual, which means I have at least some attraction to women. I guess that’s a fair assessment. I can tell you a girl, say Beyoncé, is beautiful, but I’m not going anywhere near her vagina. It’s nothing against you girls, but your nether regions just aren’t the place for me. Get a couple of drinks in me, though, and I’ll make out with you. It’s like an adventure.

In the weeks to come, my column will give a single gay man’s perspective on issues that face us all. There are a ton of issues that divide people in this world. Sex is the one thing that unites us all, whether we choose to speak openly about it or not.

Check out the next column in the series — Committed Caroline explores her Flexuality Test results tomorrow.