Five easy steps to moving into your first apartment

Samantha Grasso

Moving into your first apartment is arguably the single greatest moment of adulthood — assuming you will never find a job you love, settle down with a life partner, raise a family or win the Texas Mega Millions. While the process of compressing your life into 1,000 square feet can be frustrating, these steps can help improve your move-in experience.

1. Pack. Everything. 

“Too much stuff, not enough space” was a mantra created by quitters. Of course you’ll remember to pack the essentials, but don’t forget about the trinkets that made up your formative years. Nothing gives you that “started from the bottom” feeling like bringing your most nostalgia-inducing pieces to your first adulthood apartment. If you even question whether or not you’ll need something from your childhood room back home, bring it. The art projects you were required to make in elementary school — save ’em. Those neon band tees you haven’t worn since high school — take it all. Your yearbooks filled with HAGS, 2 cool + 2 b = 4 gotten and that little shit who always signed the crack — those are a given. Honestly, if Cody Smith’s eighth grade reminder that “u r cool” and to “nvr change” won’t keep you humble, what will? 

2. Move in with wild, child-like abandon

Just because you’re an adult, it doesn’t mean you’re the most qualified adult in the vicinity. When it comes to moving, your older family members probably have more experience on the subject, so it only makes sense to leave most of the moving up to them. I get it. We all get it. Being a young adult is hard. Instead of doing the physical work on your move-in day, channel your inner toddler and designate yourself as “move-in crew support captain.” As a glorified motivator, you will cheer your crew to victory by keeping them calm, cool and hydrated. It’s a lot more fun than doing the heavy lifting, and you’ll have the opportunity to make a few trips to Starbucks or JuiceLand in
the process.

3. Buy all your furniture at full price

Skip the used furniture listings through the UT Facebook groups and the economical IKEA tinker toys. You don’t want to save money on a short-term purchase when you could find furniture that’s expensive, big and “uniquely you.” Couches, recliners, bar stools, a California queen-sized water bed — think of the possibilities. Investing your government subsidized financial aid in pricey, timeless pieces will ensure that they’ll last through all future damages from food, pets, roommates, odors, earth, water, air, fire. You’ll probably use this furniture for years to come, well into your late 20s and early 30s, never thinking to resell or throw away your statement pieces. Do the big spending while you can. 

4. Stock your pantry/take up a low-risk fad diet 

You’ve just started a new chapter of your life in your first apartment, so what better time than now to jumpstart the semester with your latest health-kick? Choose from the paleo diet, the raw meat diet, the juice diet or any other diet endorsed by your favorite reality show celebrity. Because healthier, organic foods are often more costly, your best option is to become a member at your local Costco and buy your food in massive, dramatic amounts. Being stocked on your health-kick grub for months is a foolproof way to guilt yourself into finishing what you started, even if you decide that it’s the worst decision you’ve ever made in regard to your health and wholeheartedly regret it. Sure, you could take the easy way out while grocery shopping by purchasing foods you know you’ll eat, but YOLO. Treat your body like the temple society tells you it should be!

5. Throw a party 

Congrats! You’ve just successfully moved into your first place, and now it’s time to celebrate. Nothing lets your neighbors know what a chill party animal you are like throwing a rager the night after moving in. But wait, don’t invite them — you don’t want to move the new neighbor relationship too fast. Instead, let the loud bass from your subwoofers permeate their walls and lull them into a deep slumber. They’re probably exhausted from moving in all day, those poor folks. It’s the least you could do.