Horns up: Summer Gainz

While all of you charming kids leave town to work for free for 60 hours per week or eat your parents’ food on their couch, we’ll be here, straight flexin’, in Gregory Gym. There’s no better time and place to shed a few pounds or a minute off of your mile time than Austin in June, and the emptier campus during the summer means more space for us. Feel free to join us to knock out that calculus class you Q-dropped and don’t really want to take and put away some money for Sixth working a few hours a week. We’ll be seeing you.

Horns Down: Finals season

Just as we were about to sneak off and celebrate the end of class, our professors reminded us that we have finals next week. It turns out they told us about these all the way back during syllabus week, but for multiple reasons we don’t care to disclose here, we don’t really remember that. In any case, we hope you’re not in the same boat we’re in, and that your finals go swimmingly. You got into this university. You can get out as well. But for now, if anyone knows a good physics tutor, we’ll be ready to pay next to nothing for their help.

Horns Up: What’s up, ACL lineup

I couldn’t really read the bottom half of the ACL lineup poster, but people tell me the top three or four seem great. Do I know who LCD Soundsystem is? No, but I am savvy enough to know my social cues, and boy, has it made me seem hip. Anyways, ACL is always a fun way to show people that you’re trendy on Instagram, but be careful with “Flash Tattoos” — they last longer than you think.

Editor’s Note: Mohammad “Momo” Syed, one of our associate editors dissents. To quote him, “ACL’s lineup is, like, weaker than Abby Fisher’s application to UT.” But he’s just a freshman, so we ignored him.