As a young, single woman I would want my future husband to find my ambition and accomplishments attractive. The idea that these qualities would make me less desirable is ludicrous — but sadly, this is the world women still live in. Nobody, man or woman, should make you feel like you deserve less.  

Despite the strides we’ve made toward attaining equality, many women still believe they have to downplay their career goals in order to find a husband. A recent study surveyed 355 randomly selected MBA students on job preferences and personality traits. When the single women in the group were told that classmates would see their answers, they claimed they desired a lower salary, less hours per week and less travel days. But the answers were different when they were told no one would see them.

“Young, single women are simultaneously operating in the labor market and the marriage market— and those spheres value different qualities.” said Amanda Pallais, a Harvard economist and a co-author of the study. 

The existence of a double-standard isn’t news to anyone — men have always been praised for being assertive, in both their home and work life, while women receive backlash for it. It is nonsensical and sad that single women believe no man will want them for displaying such qualities.

Society has long taught women to not go against the status quo. Actions that can help a woman advance in the workplace, such as taking leadership roles or asking for a raise, signal confidence and ambition, but penalize them in the marriage market. Studies before this one have shown that men like the idea of a smart woman, but when it comes to dating one they feel their intelligence is being threatened. 

Why is an intelligent woman a threat? And why does it become our responsibility to not make men feel threatened? I don’t want to dumb myself down in order to appeal to a larger pool of men. Part of being an intelligent woman is understanding that there are men out there that will appreciate your brains and who won’t be threatened. Maybe it will take a little longer to find that kind of man, but in the end it will be worth it. 

Women enjoy more freedom today than we had in the past and we need to ensure this continues. We’ve come a long way, but there is still work to do. “Playing dumb” isn’t going to move us forward. 

Suazo is a communication studies senior from Honduras. Follow her on Twitter @giselle_suazo.