The University of Texas has already won your heart, but what about its schools? With a variety of options, each school would take a unique approach in asking you to be their Valentine.

College of Liberal Arts

Liberal responds to your texts every three days and claims it’s because they’re “really not that into technology.” The day before Valentine’s Day, they text you complaining about what a exploitative capitalist scam Valentine’s Day is and how consumerism is a detriment to society. When you reply with “yeah lol i agree” they vaguely allude to inviting you on a date.

On Valentine’s Day, still unsure of what’s happening, they text you that they are on their way to your apartment. The College of Liberal Arts takes you to an incredibly obscure vegan coffee shop you never knew existed. They say they’re really into “supporting local businesses.”

After, the two of you go to a museum where they explain every piece there, despite there being cards you can read. When they drop you off, they say they had fun then start blasting their own acoustic cover of “There Is a Light That Never Goes Out” by The Smiths.

Cockrell School of Engineering

You are unsure if Cockrell asked you on a date or not because of how awkward they were about it. Regardless, you get ready and wait for them to message you. When they pick you up you ask where the two of you are going. They excitedly say it’s a surprise and then nothing else for the rest of the car ride.

When you arrive, you realize Cockrell has taken you to a Super Smash Bros tournament.

You desperately try to think of an excuse to leave as you watch Cockrell get way too into this game. You attempt to ask one of their friends to explain what’s going on to you, but they just stare at a point to the right of your head until you escape to the bathroom. You call one of your friends to come pick you up and leave without your date even noticing.

Cockrell sends you a message on Slack later saying they’re sorry you had to leave early but they look forward to the next date.

McCombs School of Business

McCombs doesn’t waste any time asking you on a Valentine’s Day date. They tell you the restaurant, the time they will pick you up, and exactly what they expect you to wear. They show up to your apartment 10 minutes early and take you to the most expensive restaurant in the area. Throughout dinner, they repeatedly check their LinkedIn and talk about a great app they thought of with their friends while doing a keg stand at a rooftop party. You notice that despite taking you to a nice restaurant, they order the cheapest thing on the menu. When it comes time for the check they wait for you to offer to pay. When you do, they make a fuss about it saying they’ve got it covered and casually bragging about how much money they earned over their summer internship. They take you home and immediately try to give you a kiss, which you dodge with a friendly hug and high-tail it out of their car.

Moody College of Communication

Moody would take you to a movie theater. As soon as you sat down they’d start talking about their favorite kinds of cinema, regurgitating things they learned in the mandatory lower division film class they took. They would continue to talk throughout the entire movie until eventually you both were asked to leave.

Moody would then invite you to a party where all 80 of their closest friends will be, and when you politely decline they’d passive-aggressively turn on NPR and listen to it the entire drive back.

Jackson School of Geoscience

Jackson suggests spending the day at Zilker Park. The two of you arrive and sit on a picnic blanket while they describe every form of rock in sight.

After an hour of rock talk, you two walk the trails while they point out every visible sign of global warming. Finally, Jackson would hand you a pebble they found, saying they want you to keep it. It looks like every other rock you’ve ever seen, but they explain how beautiful it truly is. Like you.