Editor’s note: In the spirit of the University of Texas’ friendly rivalry with the University of Oklahoma, the staffs at The Daily Texan and The OU Daily have exchanged columns.
First off, congratulations! You won’t have to get blown out in the first round of the College Football Playoff this year. We can tell you’re still sore from having to play the SEC. Jalen Hurts could squat 600 pounds, but he still couldn’t carry chOklahoma in the postseason.
The college football season was almost canceled. In hindsight, we know you wish it was.
This was the season you’ve been waiting for. The Quarterback Whisperer would finally be able to mold a quarterback who went to Norman as his first choice, but Lincoln Riley should have just gone to the Cowboys with wide receiver CeeDee Lamb. A 1–3 record in the NFC East is better than blowing a 21-point lead against Kansas State.
Instead, you just helped Kansas State coach Chris Klieman get a six-year extension. Thanks, y’all. Maybe Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy will be the highest-paid public servant in the state next year.
Baker Mayfield isn’t suiting up this Saturday; he’s busy filming a Progressive commercial. Neither is Kyler Murray; he’s having his parents mark his height on the doorjamb. Jalen Hurts isn’t running out the tunnel; in fact, he never even really liked your school. Norman, the city for castaway quarterbacks who chose the Sooners as a Plan B, is in a frenzy realizing it can’t develop its own prospects.
Texas versus OU weekend is a chance for all of your fans to experience civilization outside of the No. 133-ranked school in the country. The biggest loss you take this weekend won’t be on the field — it will be trekking back to Campus Corner after a weekend in Texas.
Never has another university held so much space in a student body’s collective mind. While it’s just another week in Austin, Norman has descended into madness filled with #TexasHateWeek Instagram posts and signs throwing “Horns Down.” Your unofficial school hand sign is the inverse of our original one, and you flashed it to the cameras when you were losing to Kansas State.
We might have to move to Norman. Rent in Austin is expensive, and we already live in your headspace rent-free. You’re so desperate to get out of the state, you’ll come to Texas for a neutral-site game.
Now that you’re winless in the conference you claim to own, your “little brother” in Oklahoma State is turning into the better athlete in the family. The wheels are falling off the bus faster than they fell off the Sooner Schooner.
We understand it’s difficult when the only thing exciting in the state of Oklahoma is a 1–2 football team in a town with more tumbleweeds than people. And when your state is shaped like a character from any ‘80s movie wearing a backward baseball cap, it’s hard to be rooted in anything besides the phrase “Saturdays are for the boys.”
But Saturdays are no longer for Oklahoma, Sooners. At least not for Norman.
So welcome back, and of course, good luck. We are glad we have an opportunity to play each other after an offseason full of uncertainty.
But once the final buzzer sounds, you will regret your decision to cross the Red River and challenge the Longhorns.