I don’t have sex because it’s fun. I don’t have sex because I have a high sex drive, or like spontaneity or want to live on the edge.
I have sex because it is intimate.
Sex is fun, natural and overall enjoyable, but that’s not why I do it. I have sex because I like to connect with my partner. Maybe it’s a product of growing up in the Bible Belt, or having gone through abstinence only education programs, but I like to think sex means more to me than just an orgasm.
I can give myself an orgasm, and do, frequently. It requires less effort on my part, but — in my opinion — offers less of a reward.
When my boyfriend and I were first learning how to please each other, there were times when I would be frustrated. I had no idea how to achieve the same kind of pleasure with him that I had found when I imagined him alone. We had to learn together.
That’s what I love about sex: that it’s something we do together.
We know each other’s rhythms, and favorite positions and moments of ecstasy. We know how to have sex when we’re mushy, or snaky or furious with each other.
I’ve never had sex in a public space, or sex with a stranger. Part of this is because I found my partner so young, part of it is because I’m honestly not that exciting.
People always ask me if I wish I’d had sex with other people, or if I ever wonder what else is out there. I do wonder, but I don’t wish. I trained my partner from the beginning to do exactly what I wanted, how I wanted, and he did the same for me.
I like to have sex on something that’s comfortable, with my person, however we decide we want to. Sex is a huge part of my life, and so is he. We take precautions, all of them really, and we have a lot of really good sex.
But we don’t have sex because it’s fun or we’re in love. We have sex because of that intimate moment when we make eye contact and both feel loved, wanted and incredibly sexy.