When I first heard SXSW was in Texas, I was like, “gross.” I don’t want to be walking around in these brand new Manolo Blahniks stepping in cow shit, do I? But when Matthew McConaughey won the Oscar for playing that drug dealer, I totally started reconsidering. The state might have something to offer besides oil and obesity. When I remembered “Varsity Blues” is my favorite movie, I thought I’d give the Lone Star State a chance. So all you betches who read The Daily Texan, here are my recommendations!!!!

Music

Flux Pavilion. I totally saw him once and he invited me backstage to hang out — OMG perv, nothing happened. Go see his show and tell him I said hey! But don’t if you’re fugly. Seriously, don’t.

2 Chainz. Gretchen Wieners had him at her Bat Mitzvah and he was totes awesome. Her dad, the inventor of toaster strudel, got pissed at him for getting stoned in the butler’s pantry, but whatevs they’re like, famous. And you can REALLY twerk to “I’m Different.”

Parties

Like all of them, duh!