The Big 12 is like a family. A big, dysfuntional, The Osbournes-meet-the-Jersey-Shore-meet-the-Kardashians type of family.
We can all agree that watching a reality show encompassing characters from all three shows would be fun, nay epic, for a while, but the inevitable would eventually set in. The Kardashians, being the most attractive and richest, but also the most power hungry, would eventually ask for a bigger contract. Mike “The Situation” would want his own spin-off, and the Osbournes would cling to the Kardashians in hopes of riding their coattails to at least remain C-list celebrities. We’d want the show to stay together for as long as possible, but eventually the plot lines would be recycled year-after-year.
Like this unbelievably obscure metaphor depicts, it is time for the awesome run of the Big 12 drama to end and disband forever.
As painful as it would be to break up the epic histories of Texas, Texas A&M, Oklahoma and Baylor — the four teams who this issue really revolves around — Bob Stoops may have said it best when he resigned to the inevitable.
“... life changes. If it changes, you have to change with it, to whatever degree,” he said in a press conference Tuesday.
Stoops, referring to the 111-year-old Red River Rivalry tradition, said it with such a mix of defeat and nonchalance that it is hard to tell whether he really wants the game and rivalry to end — which would eventually happen with the rumored conference changes — but he makes a good point. Why allow these teams, who have at this point become so jaded by familial politics continue to screw their brothers over?
The blame game has grown to annoying proportions.
Baylor has recruited most of the small schools in the conference, such as Kansas, Kansas State, Texas Tech, Iowa State and Missouri, to join in their crusade against Texas A&M, citing a huge loss in personal revenue from the Aggies’ eventual departure.
Big 12 Commissioner Dan Beebe, who is trying to play conference saviour for the second time in a year, agrees with that grim forecast.
“If the departure of Texas A&M results in significant changes in the Big 12 membership, several institutions may be severely affected after counting on revenue streams from contracts that were approved unanimously by our members, including Texas A&M,” he said, effectively calling the Aggies out.
The Aggies — Mike “The Situation” — reciprocate the blame, but take it even a more dramatic step further by calling the litigious threats un-American.
“We’re being told that, ‘You must stay here against your will,’” said Texas A&M President R. Bowen Loftin. “And we think that really flies in the face of what makes us Americans ... and makes us free people.”
Meanwhile, Texas blames the Aggies for never accepting a joint television deal, and everyone else blames Texas for even creating a power network in the first place.
So as this silliness becomes both sadder and funnier by the day, as this situation continues to be commanded by the Osbournes of the league and as the Kardashians continue to let their uglier co-stars duke it out, the actual reason we tuned in in the first place will be lost. This slow crawl that the realignment process has become is nothing more than a detractor from the glorious game of college football, and if starting over from scratch is the only way to shift the focus back the game and players who make it great, then so be it.
Real Housewives of Orange County, anyone?