What’s a better way to start off the season than going 3–0 in the Week One picks? Mack Brown notching his first win as the head coach of North Carolina while beating former Texas defensive coordinator Will Muschamp is at the top of the list, along with any head coach not named Hugh Freeze who was able to stand on the sideline and not have to coach from a hospital bed. After starting off undefeated, I expect to have as many bandwagon fans reading my column as the amount of “fans” who will be wearing burnt orange if the Longhorns take down LSU. And as a reminder, I’m not an expert by any stretch of the imagination. I’m just a college student who watches too much college football and places bets he can’t afford — like most of y’all. This weekly column is where I will give you my best bets for the week in college football. I am not responsible for any money lost so don’t request money from me on Venmo.

No. 6 LSU(-6) at No. 9 Texas

Anyone remember what Tom Herman’s record is against the spread as an underdog? 13-2-1. Wait, that includes his tenure at Houston, so what is his record at Texas like? 8-2-1. Yeah. Stop reading this column and call your bookie right now. Then afterwards, come back, read the rest of it, call them back and place three more bets. Besides the fact that Tom Herman covers when his team is the underdog, LSU sophomore linebacker K’Lavon Chaisson and former running back Leonard Fournette continue to give Texas bulletin board material, as if junior quarterback Sam Ehlinger needs any more motivation considering Ehlinger’s Westlake lost to North Shore and Chaisson in the 2015 Texas High School football state championship.

Pick: Texas(+6)

Lock of the Week

No. 18 UCF(-10.5) at Florida Atlantic

Fresh off a complete dismantling from Ohio State, Lane Kiffin and FAU will need divine intervention and Nick Saban to fix their defense in time for UCF to come into town. Ohio State dropped 28 points in the first quarter, with three touchdowns being scored in a span of eight minutes before the Buckeyes packed it in. UCF, on the other hand, put up 62 on Florida A&M along with 694 total yards with 338 coming from the run game. The Buckeyes ran for 237 yards against the Owls, so expect similar numbers from the 2018 National Champion UCF Knights.

Pick: UCF(-10.5)

Degenerate Gambler Pick of the Week

Wyoming(-7) at Texas State

The only reason you know Wyoming has a football team is because of Josh Allen. The only reason you know Texas State has a football team is because of all the Texas State students who travel to Austin to tailgate instead of watching their own team play. The Bobcats were taken out to the pasture last week against Texas A&M, and it will take a few years before head coach Jake Spavital turns that program around. Until then, don’t sleep on Wyoming, who delivered an upset to Kelly Bryant and Missouri last week.

Pick: Wyoming(-7)

Futures Pick of the Week

Heisman Trophy Winner: Justin Fields +1600

In case you missed it, Justin Fields is a cheat code. The Georgia transfer accounted for five touchdowns and just under 300 total yards in his Week One win over FAU. Ohio State’s schedule is not too challenging, with their toughest matchup against Michigan in Ann Arbor. There’s a good chance the Buckeyes will enter that game undefeated and contend for a playoff spot. If something happens to Clemson or Alabama along the way, Fields could end up being the frontrunner at +1600.