Hopefully y’all made some money on the Longhorns last week, indulged in corn dogs and fried Oreo and screamed obscenities at Oklahoma fans. I’m not an expert by any stretch of the imagination. I’m just a college student who watches too much college football and places bets he can’t afford — like most of y’all. This weekly column is where I will give you my best bets for the week in college football. I am not responsible for any money lost, so don’t request money from me on Venmo.

Overall: 12–3

Kansas at No. 15 Texas(-21)

The last time the Longhorns beat Kansas by more than 20 points? 2015. The number of injured starters missing Saturday’s game? Five. The amount of grass head coach Les Miles will eat during the game? Too much to count. Herman is 2–0 the week after Oklahoma, but both games have been decided by six points or less. Texas just has way too many injuries on defense for me to feel comfortable taking them as three touchdown favorites, even if it’s against Kansas.

Pick: Kansas(+21)

Marquee Matchup of the Week

No. 16 Michigan at No. 7 Penn State(-9)

We all think these Big Ten “heavyweight” type games will be good television, and then we’re reminded that the Big Ten is vastly overrated. What makes this game interesting is that Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh’s job security clings to whether or not the Wolverines can pull off the upset in Happy Valley. Michigan is 2–6 against the spread. Harbaugh’s defense is not up to its usual standard this year, and gave up 25 points to Illinois last week. Penn State is 3–2 ATS and really only has one quality win at No. 17 Iowa. I think both teams are mediocre, and neither deserve to be more than touchdown favorites.

Pick: Michigan(+9)

Lock of the Week

Iowa State(-7) at Texas Tech

Usually it takes until Week 12 to figure out the Big 12, sometimes later, but I think I have it figured out. Just kidding, I don’t, but I’m pretty sure Iowa State is not that good. The Cyclones pulled away late against West Virginia last week, while Tech is doing its job of being a bad team that will sneakily play well against better teams. The Red Raiders beat Oklahoma State, who might be the fourth-best team in the conference, and only lost to Baylor by a field goal. Tech is playing at home, and it’s one of those weird 11 a.m. kickoff games.

Pick: Texas Tech(+7)

Degenerate Gambler Bet of the Week

Temple at No. 19 SMU(-7.5)

I love junior quarterback Shane Buechele. Let me make that clear. The Mustangs are 6–0 ATS, and possibly the second-best team in Texas, maybe even THE best. But Temple is also sneaky good. They’re a little bit underrated — if you can even say that about Temple — but with an upset win over Memphis last week and SMU almost dropping one to Tulsa, I think the Owls can give Buechele some trouble. It hurts to write this, though, and I’ll always remember Buechele’s victory over Notre Dame.

Pick: Temple(+7.5)