Last week I lied to y’all and said it was my last column, but because Texas decided it was no longer good at football and ruined my perfect week, I decided to do one more so I can end my college career with a 4–0 week. Just to clarify, this is not because my editor told me to write it. As a reminder, I’m not an expert by any stretch of the imagination. I’m just a college student who watches too much college football and places bets he can’t afford — like most of y’all. This weekly column is where I will give you my best bets for the week in college football. I am not responsible for any money lost, so don’t request money from me on Venmo. 

Last Week: 3–1

Overall: 24–11

Texas Tech at Texas(-10.5)

Texas is 10-point favorites? After what we saw last week? And the week before that? Texas is 1–4 against the spread in the last five weeks, with the only cover coming against Iowa State two weeks ago. Texas hasn’t covered when being favored since its victory over West Virginia, and I have a feeling that the team we’ll see on Friday is far from the team that won in Morgantown, West Virginia. With less than a week to prepare for the match-up against Texas Tech, I don’t expect to see any major changes to the offense, which gives me little confidence in Texas’ ability to win, much less cover. The only thing going for the Longhorns is that with last week’s loss to Kansas State, Tech is no longer bowl eligible. The Red Raiders are still a sneaky team, and seemingly always give Texas fits. Don’t forget when they came into Austin two years and upset the Longhorns. Hopefully you’ll be doing better things than watching this game at 11:00 a.m. on Friday, but if that isn’t the case, stay away from the Horns. 

Pick: Texas Tech(+10.5)

Marquee Matchup of the Week

No. 5 Alabama(-3) at No. 15 Auburn

Alabama will be playing without junior quarterback Tua Tagovailoa on the road, but I still feel confident in head coach Nick Saban. Maybe it’s because he’s the greatest college coach of all time, or because Auburn freshman quarterback Bo Nix has struggled over the second half of the season. This has upset written all over it, but with Alabama firmly in the Playoff discussion after Oregon’s loss, I expect them to be ready to play.

Pick: Alabama(-3)

Lock of the Week

No. 2 Ohio State(-9) at No. 13 Michigan

I would just like to thank Ohio State for being the best team to bet on all year. The Buckeyes are 11–0 against the spread this year, and what better way to finish off the regular season than with a win over Michigan? Yes, the Wolverines and senior quarterback Shea Patterson have looked like the Michigan team we thought they would ever since the loss to Penn State, and head coach Jim Harbaugh has a great record against the Buckeyes! Oh wait … he’s never actually defeated Ohio State. Sophomore quarterback Justin Fields could play this game on a stretcher and it still wouldn’t change the result. Look forward to the inevitable “Harbaugh to Texas” rumors that will start after this one.

Pick: Ohio State(-9)

Degenerate Gambler Bet of the Week

Washington State at Washington(-8)

Both these schools join Texas on the list of programs with disappointing years coming off solid seasons. Washington suffered a brutal loss to Colorado last week while Washington State narrowly beat Oregon State by one point. Oof. Neither school deserves to be favored by more than a field goal in my opinion, but Vegas has blessed us with an eight-point line. Just ignore the fact that Washington is on a seven-game win streak against the Cougars.

Pick: Washington State(+8)