Editor’s note: The names in this story are fake to protect their privacy.
Sitting in bed, scrolling through Hinge, a rose popped up on UT student “Sally’s” profile, a random stranger liking her profile. After filtering through her matches, Sally saw “Harry” sent her a rose, sending his profile to the top of her matches and starting their conversation. Despite not wanting a relationship, Sally agreed to a first date.
“He was one of the few people I saw, or even looked at, but I thought his profile was funny,” Sally said. “ … He messaged me, and then we immediately made plans to hang out that Friday, and we met up at Tweedies …We closed the bar down (and) stayed until 2 a.m. talking, drinking pitchers of beer and smoking cigarettes.”
Their first date took place last semester and since then, their relationship continues to thrive on consistent dates and quality time. Sally said they haven’t spent a weekend apart, aside from going out of town, since they’ve met.
“It was like when you meet someone, and you feel like you’ve known them (for) a long time, you do whatever together and go to the movies … like normal dating stuff,” Sally said. “We weren’t serious for quite a while, and then at some point, I think we were like, ‘We see each other all of the time, and we’re not seeing anyone else. Are we dating or what?’… Now, we’re exclusively dating.”
Psychologist and motivational writer Bella Glanville hosted a TED talk in 2020, “The Science of Online Dating,” discussing the “absence of gating,” which refers to the absence of personal characteristics from real-life communication in online dating. Glanville said people who use dating apps present a more “socially desirable person” on their profile than in real life, claiming it is better to meet people in person. Sally’s mindset was the same way with her match.
“(Dating apps are) more so useful as a tool of connecting with people,” Sally said. “Talking a lot over text on Hinge … that usually never goes anywhere. Start flirting when you meet up with the person because what we did was we were like, ‘You seem really cool. Let’s set a date, and we won’t talk to each other until then.’ I think that worked really well, like getting in-person time…”
For those attempting to find a relationship through a dating app, Sally said viewing the app as a casual way of meeting new people may ease the constraint of finding a partner.
“(It) makes it harder to find someone cool because the way that people are online is obviously super different than they are in person,” Sally said. “ … Using apps for hookups is super helpful and works, but sometimes … looking for a relationship puts too much pressure on it. The only reason it worked for me is because both of us were not thinking about it too deeply or looking too much into it.”
When Sally met Harry, they hit it off and have been happily dating for six months, according to Sally.
“Finding a person to spend time with or the right person for you all of the time is just a matter of chance,” Sally said. “ … (Dating apps) can’t be the real thing, no matter how hard it tries, like being in front of a person … but I’m very glad that I met him, and I wouldn’t have done that (or) been able to do that if it wasn’t advertised (in a dating app).”
