10 dumbest things Austin couples do, just in time for Valentine’s Day

Natalie Heineman

Something about Austin makes couples insufferable. The heat? The construction? The single life mentality?

No, it’s just the fact that Austin is home to The Worst People Alive.™:

Here are some Valentine’s Day date ideas if you want to be The Worst People Alive™:

1) Visit Graffiti Park together and spray paint “I <3 ALEX.”

Directly covering an artist’s beautiful, painstakingly-created mural.

2) Assert they’re “going hiking” when they’re really walking Lady Bird Lake.

It’s flat.

3) Rent an apartment together right off I-35 and claim to live in East Austin because it sounds edgy.

Your $1500/month one bedroom isn’t “ghetto.”

4) Claim to love the environment, but Uber everywhere.

Because the bus is full of poors.

5) Eat out of U-Hauls.

Sorry, food trucks.

6) Get each other hooked on essential oils rather than deodorant.

Please for the love of god just buy a stick of Degree to share.

7) Create a startup together.

How do you people pay the bills when you both work at “Pupuccinos: Cappuccinos for Dogs?”

8) Sit next to a bridge for two hours waiting to be pelted with bat poop.

The Congress Bridge bats don’t like you.


9) Walk around Book People critiquing the authors.

Chad, we all know you haven’t finished a book since high school.

10) Spray paint “F*ck Trump” on any public surface.

Without realizing the people who clean it up are the most disadvantaged by his policies.