Something about Austin makes couples insufferable. The heat? The construction? The single life mentality?

No, it’s just the fact that Austin is home to The Worst People Alive.™:

Here are some Valentine’s Day date ideas if you want to be The Worst People Alive™:

1) Visit Graffiti Park together and spray paint “I <3 ALEX.”

Directly covering an artist’s beautiful, painstakingly-created mural.

The best date anyone could ever take me on would be to the graffiti park, y'all don't understand how much graffiti means to me

— salina (@salinasjessii1) October 12, 2017

2) Assert they’re “going hiking” when they’re really walking Lady Bird Lake.

It’s flat.

3) Rent an apartment together right off I-35 and claim to live in East Austin because it sounds edgy.

Your $1500/month one bedroom isn’t “ghetto.”

4) Claim to love the environment, but Uber everywhere.

Because the bus is full of poors.

5) Eat out of U-Hauls.

Sorry, food trucks.

6) Get each other hooked on essential oils rather than deodorant.

Please for the love of god just buy a stick of Degree to share.

I got my boyfriend addicted to essential oils so my job here is done

— Brooke Michelle (@brookemichellej) January 6, 2018

7) Create a startup together.

How do you people pay the bills when you both work at “Pupuccinos: Cappuccinos for Dogs?”

8) Sit next to a bridge for two hours waiting to be pelted with bat poop.

The Congress Bridge bats don’t like you.

Nathan and I watched the bats come out from under the bridge on Congress and it was SO COOL even though it smelled like poop

— the alpha taryn (@henderson_taryn) September 6, 2015

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9) Walk around Book People critiquing the authors.

Chad, we all know you haven’t finished a book since high school.

10) Spray paint “F*ck Trump” on any public surface.

Without realizing the people who clean it up are the most disadvantaged by his policies.

cute date idea: walkin around a city n finding some place to spray paint fuck trump

— ruby (@misosouplvr666) April 13, 2016