So your 23andme ancestry test recently revealed you’re 7.1 percent Irish. Make great great great grandpappy happy and celebrate St. Patty’s Day the right way: getting drunk with some bitcoin bros here for SXSW.

Fado Irish Pub Annual Festival – 214 W 4th St.

Fado’s closes its doors at the end of March, so this is your last opportunity to see Austin’s biggest and craziest St. Patrick’s Day celebration. Fourth Street closes all day, right in the middle of the SXSW buzz, so expect a fun crowd.

Happy St. Patrick's Day! #ATXCouncil authorizes issuance of a street closure permit for the Fado's Irish Pub St. Patrick's Day Festival, a fee-paid event in the 200 block of West 4th Street, to be held on Saturday, March 17, 2018 from 12:00 pm to midnight. pic.twitter.com/ui0D4rcrmz

— Austin Texas (@austintexasgov) March 8, 2018

Chocolate Tasting at Delysia – 2000 Windy Ter, Ste 2C

Free chocolate and beer?? This chocolatier serves you fine confections with a sample of Irish beers. Stop reading this list and just go here.

Twisted Texas Brunch Bus – 603 Sabine St.

A school bus, a live band, three Austin brunch spots and drinks. Traverse Austin on the Twisted Texas Brunch Bus for $70. A pub crawl bus that night is only $55, but doesn’t offer the breakfast tacos.

Plucker’s “Pluck Me, I’m Irish” – 300 Mays Crossing Dr., Round Rock

Head to the Round Rock location for live music, green beer and a tent in the parking lot for some reason.

5K Training at Town Lake – Gables Park Plaza

Beat the beer calories and go for a run before you start drinking. Leave before they try to sell you a Fit-Bar membership. That’s the Irish way.

Hip Hop Weekly St. Patty Party – 501 Brushy St.

This event advertises with the phrase “one of the best networking experiences during SXSW,” so watch out for Elon Musk, I guess. RSVP via do512 and get complimentary green beer and jello shots.

Jack and Ginger’s Street Festival – 11500B Rock Rose

Come before noon and get in for $10. Stay for live performances from Chandler and the Bings, the Motts, and “bagpipes” listed twice.

Saint Patrick’s Day Austin – 10621 Pioneer Farms Dr.

Tired of seeing green beer and leprechauns? For the Irish purists, there’s Saint Patrick’s Day Austin, located in north Austin. Pawn your kids off to laser tag from 1 p.m. to 7 p.m. while you watch authentic Irish bands, cloggers, and Gaelic language lessons.

Go to Church – 700 The Lord Is Watching Dr.

You heathens.