I've kissed death because of you


Photo Credit: Helen Brown | Daily Texan Staff

Trigger Warning: Sexual Violence, Rape, Sexual Assault, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, PTSD, Self Harm, Eating Disorder, Suicide

Editor's note: This column was submitted to the Texan by a member of the UT community.

Before the first day of classes my freshman year — which was also my 18th birthday — I was raped by a classmate in my major. On the first day, we had a class together and I could not hold it together. I tried so desperately to make it seem like everything was normal. When I told my professor, she started recording lectures so I didn’t have to physically come to class anymore. The classmate then started dating someone new, who I never told about the incident. I attempted to end my life and had to be hospitalized twice. The following year, his girlfriend accused me of raping him and told me it was because he would never try to f--- “someone that looks like me.” The next day, I went to the top of a cliff in the Greenbelt and almost ended it entirely. I changed my major to get away from this person and the possible harassment I may face from a situation I had no control in. I’ve since been diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder, PTSD, an overwhelming struggle with self harm, and I've had a long, sickening battle with an eating disorder that has almost killed me. I hope that he and his girlfriend feel amazing knowing the dark, lonely places I’ve been and how many times I've kissed death because of it.

List of Resources: http://bit.ly/resourcesforsurvivors

Editor’s note: UT-Austin mandatory reporters do not have to report the stories published here.