Young Tina Feng watched as her grandma’s delicately crimped paper lanterns floated above the Yangtze River in China, captivated by their soft, warm glow. 

Years later, Feng found herself laying flat against the table, fondly recounting her favorite memories of her grandmother to a crowd of tattoo artists at the Ink Empire Tattoo Shop in Austin.

For Feng, the vibrant Chinese lantern now etched on her right shoulder serves as an homage to her relationship to both her grandma and their shared love for Lunar New Year and the Chinese Lantern Festival.

“(Lunar New Year) is definitely my favorite holiday,” the public health sophomore said. “It’s just symbolic of a new year, of a fresh beginning — and I’ve always really loved that.”

Feng said she spent the first year of her life with her grandma in China, who later continued to help raise Feng and her siblings when she came to the United States. Lending to her sense of self and connection to her culture, Feng said her bond with her grandmother grew especially through cooking and storytelling. 

“She was the relative I saw the most. … She was always so kind,” Feng said. “Having someone in your life who was proud of you for just existing — that was my grandma.”

However, as she grew older, Feng said she spent a lot of time grappling with a level of internalized racism, which developed while attending a school with a small Asian student population. As a result, Feng said she began to disconnect from her grandma and feel ashamed of being Chinese.

“People thought it was really funny because I was making all these jokes about myself. … I was just a spectacle to them,” Feng said. “There was a lot of deep rooted resentment of my being Chinese. … It took a lot of time before I got out of that mindset.”

To reconcile with her cultural identity, Feng said she honors her family and heritage by adding details into her tattoo designs — such as her last name in Mandarin — despite her parents’ disapproval for tattoos. 

“It’s not their body, and I wanted it,” Feng said. “Even if they don’t like it, … it (means) something to me about my family.

Ultimately, Feng said she appreciates how all her tattoos serve a permanent reminder of her sense of identity.

“They’re all just little pockets of joy for me — it’s so corny, but they just remind me of who I am as a person and what I value in life.”