A 2023 Pew Research Center study revealed that 61% of Americans said having close friends is extremely or very important to living a fulfilling life. Yet, the definition of a close friend is subjective, and deep feelings may not be reciprocated on both ends. How can you tell that a friend will be by your side for life: for better or for worse?
Friendships are complex. Just like love, they require effort and dedication. However, physical proximity can blur the line between ephemeral and long-term friendships.
Proximity plays a significant role in predicting interpersonal relationships. An experiment showed that students who sit next to each other in class have a 15% to 22% increased probability of developing a mutual friendship. It’s easier to navigate a new environment like university with people in your classes, whom you can share your anxieties with and ask for help.
We may feel pressure to maintain close friendships to avoid hurting the feelings of people we see daily, but this makes it difficult to know who we can truly count on. As such, there’s no better loyalty test than long-distance friendships. Without the social pressure and convenience injunction to be friendly, those who still reach out prove they are invested in sharing the rest of their life with you.
Sociology graduate student Charlotte Perez explained that research surveys often use the question, “Who do you discuss important matters with?” to distinguish between different levels of friendships.
“That question often generates a list of the names of people who are close people in (subjects’) lives,” Perez said.
While you may find it easy to talk to someone you see every day, it may well turn out that once miles separate you, that person won’t be at the top of your bridesmaids list anymore. Long-distance relationships require more effort and proactive communication to make up for the lack of face-to-face interaction.
Perez added that another way to define a close friend is to consider the frequency of time spent together, whether in person or online. To signify a meaningful relationship, this time spent together should be voluntary and actively pursued by both sides.
Even though technology has significantly reduced communication barriers, making it easier to overcome distance, not responding to a text or phone call is painless. You don’t have to face criticism from your social group while waiting for the relationship to die because, ultimately, you were only friends within a specific past context.
This doesn’t mean that hypocrisy is ubiquitous or that these situational relationships are worthless. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide on the nature of the friendship and invest in it accordingly.
“It’s the idea of putting in what you want to get out of (the relationship),” UT alumna Trish Nguyen said.
The majority of Nguyen’s friends live far away, don’t understand her occupation and have never been to the state she lives in, but they’re still eager to hear her stories.
“It’s just nice knowing that there are people who support you, even if (they) are so far away,” Nguyen said.
When a friendship endures despite the loss of geographical proximity, you can call it not only a meaningful relationship, but also a closer friendship. A study found that over 80% of respondents navigating a long-distance friendship reported an increased motivation to continue investing in the friendship.
If they pass the distance test, long-distance friendships are likely to grow stronger. Now you know who will be your bridesmaids.
Doat is a journalism and media master’s student from Versailles, France.
