When someone wrongs us, we immediately think the worst. Who else has gotten the “Sorry, something came up, I can’t hang out” text? Without context for someone’s actions, our automatic instinct is to view them as negative, even if they’re not.
This situation isn’t uncommon. Disagreements can often cause us to immediately resort to hostile reactions. Has someone ever cut you off in traffic, so you sped up and cut them off? In reality, you have no way of knowing what someone else is going through at that moment.
Road rage isn’t safe behavior, but by asking questions instead of rushing to conclusions, we can give ourselves the opportunity to consider the whole picture instead of getting locked into our own perspective. Doing so can help keep us from acting irrationally in a tense situation. Many road rage-related deaths are caused by one’s reaction to an aggressive driver. Take a step back and focus on intent.
“I try not to take it to heart; you’re going through your own bubbles in your head,” said international business senior Marisol Hernandez.
As situations occur in our lives, oftentimes our intention for certain actions is overshadowed by the way they’re perceived. As reactionary people, it’s crucial that we don’t overreact when something negative happens to us.
A couple weeks ago, my mom’s car got towed from my apartment’s parking garage while she was staying with me. Admittedly, she was parked in someone else’s spot. And while the rightful occupant of the parking spot had a pressing reason to do so, they did not leave a note or attempt to find the owner of the car. Despite this and the roughly 30 other spots that were open in the very near vicinity, my mom’s car got towed in the middle of the night as a medical situation kept us occupied.
The poet Walt Whitman said, “Be curious, not judgemental.” It’s simple, but asking questions before making assumptions gives us the ability to better understand the motivations behind the actions of others. Moreover, we keep ourselves from forming judgments about those we know nothing about.
As students living in a hectic and fast-paced environment, we tend to rush to the conclusion that when someone acts in a way we find confusing or disagree with, it’s because they’re “out to get us.” We tell our friends about what happened and, like an infection, our assumptions spread and cause others to match our negativity.
Of course, some people genuinely do have bad intent, but by giving them the benefit of the doubt, we protect ourselves from any unforeseen consequences that may come from our retaliatory behavior.
If someone had assumed positive intent, my mom wouldn’t have had to pay $250 to get her car back. We wouldn’t have had to spend our mental resources retrieving it in the middle of the night.
“I think it’s important that we practice openness and awareness in terms of judgment. I try to stop, scold, and correct myself and replace judgmental words (with valuable ones)” said Hernandez.
When we give people the benefit of the doubt, we have the chance to end the cycle of retaliatory behavior. We give them a chance to explain why they made their choices free of judgment.
McCormack is a government major from Dallas, Texas.
