Issues with your roommates can be one of the biggest hurdles of living at college. Whether they are your best friends or randomly selected, everyone has different habits, preferences and levels of cleanliness.
If you do not address these differences at the start, major problems can arise. Setting boundaries with your roommates is the best way to prevent these issues. Although it can be awkward or tense, it is important in order to manage living situations amicably.
Applied movement science senior Vanessa Celestino and her roommate had different household habits, resulting in disagreements throughout the year.
“At the very beginning, we didn’t set boundaries,” Celestino said. “I think we all assumed that we would respect each other’s space, but I guess that’s something you can’t assume. It wasn’t until a month later (that) we decided to set boundaries.”
If you have grown up without sharing space with others, it can be easy to assume that your peers will have similar cleanliness habits and preferences to you. However, this assumption can lead to a prolonged issue that makes it more awkward to bring up the topic later, as you inevitably will address each other’s bad habits. Bringing it up after the problem has begun can allude to the roommate being problematic.
“When you try to tell people, ‘I think we should do this and that’ it comes off like you’re very demanding and bossy,” Celestino said. “You never want to come off like that, because it creates a weird space to live with, especially for strangers.”
Discussing boundaries with your roommates as soon as possible will make it easier to avoid problems before they start, rather than bringing them up after the fact. Waiting until there is an actual issue to set boundaries can turn the conversation from a discussion to an accusatory confrontation.
When living in the dorms, UT Housing and Dining and resident assistants offer different resources to help with this problem.
“Once students arrive, all roommates should work with their resident assistant to fill out a roommate agreement together,” said Melissa Garland, a representative from Housing and Dining in a statement. “This helps to facilitate the conversation between roommates and set expectations on living in the space before there is a conflict.”
However, moving into an apartment without an RA to mediate discussion forces roommates to set their own boundaries with each other. The best way to do so is to start the year off with an open, honest conversation.
Setting boundaries early on contributes to a clear set of rules and preferences, allowing roommates to discuss differences in a way that allows you both to hear and understand each other’s perspectives instead of placing blame. While it may seem daunting, setting early boundaries is a must in order to maintain a healthy and comfortable living environment.
Rail is an English, anthropology and rhetoric and writing junior from El Paso, Texas.
