My first birthday spent at UT can be summed up into one word: mournful.
I remember waking up that day expecting to see my parents waltz through the door, joyously singing me “Las Mañanitas,” because for as long as I can remember, my parents have always started my birthday with a song. However, there was no singing that morning, only silence. I spent much of that day expecting them to appear before me, and when they didn’t, I began to think of the day I would’ve had if I was back home.
I live my life littered with traditions, yet there I was, unable to live out the ones spent with family. Amidst my time of mourning, it hit me that this was my new reality. Despite my excitement to attend a university away from home, I had forgotten that I would be trading in a long set of traditions for new ones.
Slowly, I began to realize that adulthood isn’t marked by a birthday; it’s marked by moments like this, where we learn to carry the weight of growing up on our own, away from the comfort of our parents.
“When I spent my first birthday here, it was definitely a moment where I realized that I was turning into my own independent self, and that I was in a moment where I couldn’t depend fully (on) my parents,” said Sofia Abello, senior psychology student. “My parents would decorate the living room before I (came) out of my room … They would plan things for me, buy me a birthday cake. And now I had to do that on my own. I had to organize my own birthday. I had to buy my own cake.”
Adulthood isn’t defined by an age or milestone, but rather the slow realization that independence replaces routine. To students, this shift may feel disorienting as they celebrate birthdays away from home and face the loss of familiar traditions.
“One of the things that makes that stage hard is (having to change) your communities,” said Ellie Carpenter, psychology PhD student. “The people that you normally would rely on aren’t as close to you anymore, (and) you’re building new connections, but they haven’t become deep or reliable yet.”
To students, navigating a new community such as UT can be daunting. Despite the passing years, we don’t entirely feel like adults until we’re forced to act like one. Planning our own birthday and buying our own cake are just a few ways that students express independence during these times of loss.
But even in the midst of loss, there is beauty in new beginnings. With each passing birthday and with every decision made without your parents, students enter a season of becoming, because independence is a continuous journey, not a singular moment. Independence is made from a Frankenstein of fragments mended together by mundane acts of sovereignty. Constructing new norms from the remnants of old norms are how students honor their traditions while learning how to carry it differently.
Despite how daunting it may seem, change can be good. Experiencing things alone that would usually be celebrated with family is an experience often marked with sadness, but sadness is not how it will remain. What was once a mournful birthday spent alone, is now a distant memory that marked a new era of my life. The following year, I spent it surrounded by friends whom I still cherish today, and this year for my 21st, I spent it alongside those same people, and I can almost guarantee that next year they will remain.
Huerta is a government junior from Victoria, Texas.
