Editor’s Note: Sources were given fake names to keep their identities and information anonymous.
While grabbing coffee with a UT student, “Dan,” the topic of long-distance relationships became a recurring theme. Dan started dating his girlfriend in his junior year of high school. After senior year, they went off to different colleges to pursue their goals. Dan remains miles apart from his girlfriend, “Serena,” who goes to a school in North Carolina.
“We (haven’t) been able to find a time to have an actual call since the school year started (that lasted) longer than 30 minutes and really get to hear everything going on in the other person’s life,” Dan said. “It definitely creates a disconnect. We had that conversation of, ‘Where can we fit (in) the time?’ You start to get a little bit more prickly. Your answers get a little bit shorter. The resentment builds a little bit.”
Dan and Serena’s relationship troubles stemmed from their moves to different sides of the country. Both are busy with school, with Dan taking 16 credit hours and being heavily involved on campus, while Serena participates in plays and other productions in her free time.
“Seeing other couples getting to be happy together in person makes you sad and sometimes a little bit resentful of having to go through long distance,” Dan said. “Especially on the communication side, when I feel like I had a really busy or stressful day and she doesn’t have time to talk or the other way around … those especially make it hard, because you feel like you’re not seen by the other person or that they don’t really care as much about your life.”
“Dorota” works as a resident assistant at UT and has conversations with her residents in long-distance relationships. Dorota said that despite many instances where long-distance couples break up, there are two important things that can help maintain these relationships.
“Communication and understanding (are) two of the most important factors, especially the understanding part,” Dorota said. “You’re finding a new community. In a lot of ways, you’re becoming a new person, and that might be unfamiliar from the person that you knew in high school. I have heard about people maintaining (the relationship) through weekly phone calls and then maintaining (through) text check-ins.”
Dan recognized that after two years together and following their freshman year of college, FaceTime was one of the ways they overcame this lack of communication. Healthyhorns states that there are seven Cs of a healthy relationship, two of which are checking in and communication. From adjusting to new environments to altering their methods of communication across states, Dan and Serena’s relationship is steady sailing, according to Dan.
“The environment for a relationship has completely changed,” Dan said. “I’m lucky my friends and the people that … my girlfriend (is) surrounded by all support our relationship and are happy for our relationship, instead of resentful about it. That makes all the difference in feeling the pressure, especially to ‘live the college experience’ or whatever it is, because I still get the college experience, I just get to do it with my favorite person in the world.”
