Editor’s Note: Sources were given fake names to keep their identities and information anonymous. This story is a recurring relationship column, focusing on the lives of students.
After a long day studying with “Summer,” her concerns about a recent crush she’s developed became our main topic of conversation. Summer began hanging out with her crush in the fall semester of last year and started questioning the intentions behind their hangouts.
“I met someone really briefly (and) you could basically describe it as a meet-cute,” Summer said. “I didn’t think I’d ever talk to them again … We hung out a few more times. At that point, I (didn’t) really think I (could) date someone right now. I had just gotten over someone else, which was also a friends-to-lovers situation, and it just didn’t end up working out. I was not really looking to have it go the wrong way.”
Over winter break, Summer started thinking about what her goals were for 2026 and realized that she wants to pursue romantic connections. Identifying as a person in the queer community, Summer’s unsure if the time spent with this crush is platonic or romantic.
“A big part of (being queer) was growing up when I first had crushes on girls,” Summer said. “Sometimes they reciprocated (and) it was more than just friends, but a lot of the times, it can feel really similar if you’re trying to get to know someone … that’s generally how it is with dating, too. There’s a physical factor that is more clear when you’re going on dates with someone (and) there’s been just enough of that to make me unsure of what’s happening.”
In her 2024 TED Talk, “Why Friendship Can Be Just as Meaningful as Romantic Love,” Rhaina Cohen, journalist and author specializing in social connection, elaborates on how recognizing “other significant others” can help build more fulfilling lives. While her talk describes many examples of marriage, this can also be applicable to finding a friend or short-term partner.
“If we can recognize what friendship has the potential to be, and if we can recognize that there is more than one kind of significant other, then we can imagine more ways for us to find love,” Cohen said in her TED Talk.
Merriam-Webster Dictionary explicitly defines platonicness in a relationship as being intimate, but not sexual. The word romantic is described in a manner consistent with love. For Summer, in order to determine the difference, her next steps include hanging out with her crush and laying low to determine if the other is as interested in Summer as she is with her.
“It’s fun to have a crush, and sometimes not taking action toward a crush is totally fine,” Summer said. “That’s something I’m trying to tell myself because friends will always tell you, ‘Oh, you should tell them how you feel. You should ask them out and make it official.’ But when you truly care for someone and are interested in them, even just spending time with them and getting to know them is fulfilling enough.”
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