How to survive this UT football season: think of it as anything but football


Joe Capraro

Junior quarterback David Ash was knocked down in the first half against BYU. The No. 15 Longhorns lost to the Cougars 40-21 in Provo, Utah on Saturday night.

Last Saturday night’s whooping on the football field at the hands of the BYU Cougars had us hiding under our tables out of embarrassment. Given how painful it was to have our dreams of a comeback dashed in only the second game of the season, it’s understandable that you might want to avoid every game from here on out. But you shouldn’t let the fear of failure on the field keep you from cheering in the stands. 

To dull the potential pain that may result from attending a Texas Longhorns football game, try re-conceptualizing the situation. In other words, stop thinking about it as football, and start thinking about it as almost anything else. To help, we’ve prepared a few alternative ways of thinking about UT football: 

1. A character-building exercise in which you watch something you love die a slow and embarrassing death. Like crunches but for your moral core. 

2. A new reality show titled “Who will Mack fire?” where the twist is that it’s everyone but himself. Available exclusively on the Longhorn Network. 

3. A universal study on how well burnt orange T-shirts absorb tears in which you are an involuntary participant.  

4. The re-enactment of an episode of “Friday Night Lights” that went unaired after being deemed “too heartbreaking” for network television.