The top five most likely songs Kylie Jenner listened to while giving birth

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Life & Arts Staff

Yesterday, the world welcomed a gift from Yeezus himself – Kylie Jenner’s first child. The newborn of unknown name saw the light of day for the first time on February 1st and will likely become the nation’s preeminent infant. The real question is: what was bumping when the baby bump disappeared? Fret not — The Daily Texan has you covered. With extensive scientific research done, we present to you the five most likely songs Kylie Jenner gave birth to.

“Under Pressure” — Queen and David Bowie

What better way to welcome a new Jenner into this world than to the classic sounds of Queen’s “Under Pressure”. Between Freddie Mercury’s howling vocal performance and David Bowie’s slicker, more subdued crooning, “Under Pressure” provides all of the highs and lows a mother experiences during birth. Focusing on the song’s passionate lyrics, it makes perfect sense Jenner would choose a song such as this. Who wouldn’t want to experience the most pain in their life while being soothed by lyrics such as “It’s the terror of knowing, What the world is about, Watching some good friends, Screaming ‘Let me out?’”

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“Slip Slidin’ Away” — Paul Simon

The underdog of the list, “Slip Slidin’ Away” saw the light of day on a Paul Simon greatest hits compilation. However, it might just be the theme song of the ideal birth. Not only is it a soothing, relaxing folk song, but it emphasizes the fluidity of life — something Jenner might better understand thinking of when her water broke. Nonetheless, Simon’s calming voice provides the perfect backing track for a miraculous birth.

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“Push It” — Salt-N-Pepa

Transitioning from a Simon classic to absolute banger, “Push It” by Salt-N-Pepa could have provided that final push Jenner needed in the hospital room. Between the rhythmic drum machines and 90’s synths, band members Salt and Pepa provide birthing motivation such as “Ooooh, baby, baby” and “Get up on this!”. As the song encourages “all you fly mothers” to go dance, it’s hard not to imagine Jenner leaping up from her hospital bed and busting a move.

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“goosebumps” — Travis Scott

He might have been in the room when the birth went down, but in case he wasn’t, Jenner may have played “goosebumps” to make sure her child heard Travis Scott’s dynamic rapping before any other music. Although Scott is not confirmed to be the child’s father, he deserves first dibs on the child’s music taste. When Scott raps “Put the p***y on a pedestal, Put the p***y on a high horse, That p***y to die for” you can’t help but smile for the happy couple. 

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“Scream Like A Baby” — David Bowie

Odds are, Jenner isn’t a massive David Bowie fan. Yet, it’s impossible to imagine her recovering from the birth of her first child without “Scream Like A Baby.” With his second appearance on our list, Bowie brings to the table a pop-heavy jam capable of reminding any newly-crowned mother of their worst nightmare — a screaming baby. It’s a futuristic tune, one full of emotional pleas and disturbing Holocaust imagery rendering any doubts about the sanctity of life meaningless.

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