Hey, #UT22: Here are 8 (fake) reasons why Jester’s the best dorm on campus


Guillermo Hernandez

Orientation students from the class of 2017 wait in Jester to check in.

Robert Scherer III

When students rank the dorms on the UT Campus, Jester gets most of the abuse.

But let’s set the record straight for incoming freshman. Class of 2022, here are eight reasons Jester's the best place to live on campus:

1. Your opinion matters

Living in Jester means walking past countless student organizations asking for your money or to sign a petition. Feel like a movie star walking the red carpet when you head to class, because everyone around you is begging for your attention.

2. Never get lost

Every floor on Jester has its own unique smells. The eighth floor, for example, can only be described as smelling old. If you ever come home drunk and get misplaced, just sniff the air. “Urine? I’m on twelve! Weed? Must be two!”

3. Live in the heart of the Live Music Capital of the World

Dorms don’t have the musical vibes and hipster attitude that the rest of Austin has? WRONG! You can always find a dudebro strumming “Wonderwall” on his guitar in the lobby. It can be kind of hard wading through all the girls he attracts, but it’s worth it for the serenade.  

4. A truly academic experience

If you live on the sixth floor, you are in for a treat. You’ll be surrounded at all times by the Terry Scholars. You’ll have plenty of time to study because they will ignore you as soon as they realize you’re not one of them.

5. Always be awake for those 8 AMs

Once you drag yourself out of bed and make it to the bathroom, the icy cold jets of water will instantly leave you awake and chipper.

6. No more FOMO

A lot of people are plagued with the idea that they’re missing out. That is never a problem at Jester, because you always know what your neighbors are up to. The walls are so thin that you can hear when they so much as scoot their chair back.

7. You’ll make plenty of new friends

With elevators so slow and packed that it can take up to thirty minutes to go downstairs in the morning, there’s no excuse not to make small talk with your neighbors. Nothing brings people closer together than being crammed in a tiny metal box.

8. Experience life at a low-security prison

Watched the show “Scared Straight” and wish you were the star? That dream can be a reality. You eat in a cafeteria, share a bathroom with 20 other people and you can only have guests during certain hours. Even the brick walls and metal window linings of your small quarters are reminiscent of a white collar jail cell.