Column: Relax, y’all still go to OU

The Daily Texan Staff

Editor’s Note: In the spirit of the University of Texas’ friendly rivalry with the University of Oklahoma, the staffs at The Daily Texan and The OU Daily have exchanged columns. 

Dear Oklahoma, 

Since you, your alumni and fans can’t seem to get our names out of your mouths, here is the attention you so desperately crave. Seriously, we live rent-free in the mind of every Oklahoman. If y’all paid attention in class half as much as y’all do to the University of Texas, maybe y’all could be more than a community college with boosters.

But honestly, we’re glad we could do this joint paper with y’all. It’s been fun. We just wish that OU didn’t  accept more than 70% of whoever applies.

We’re sorry y’all didn’t get into Texas, but we know the application to get into OU was tough for you guys. We know how hard it is to spell your own name. It’s a shame the Oklahoma defense is almost as soft as the admissions office.

Speaking of defense, if we’ve learned anything from Baker Mayfield, it’s that the best defense is just running away (cc: Fayetteville PD). We would forget about it, but something about that mug shot just stays in the back of our minds.

Now to your on-the-field play. We can’t lie, y’all look pretty good. But then again, it’s easy to look good when UCLA is the hardest opponent on your schedule through six weeks. 

It’s nice to see Jalen working out after games. He needs to be bulking up if he’s going to carry the defense all year. It makes sense that Jalen and everyone else are so bleak after wins — they realize they have to celebrate in Norman. 

At least you guys have a storied NBA franchise in OKC with future Hall of Famers Kevin Dur — wait, I mean Russell Westbr — I mean … Chris Paul? That team has left most of y’all crying like the little guy who played quarterback for y’all last season. Maybe y’all should try to learn how to keep somebody in y’all’s state before Lincoln Riley leaves too. 

We get that y’all were hurt after losing to Alabama, but picking up its sloppy seconds with Jalen is low, even for y’all. Y’all wouldn’t have to bring in a transfer quarterback every year if y’all could just recruit. But we get it, it’s not like there’s any kind of high school talent pool from y’all’s state anyway. After Saturday, Jalen will probably transfer back just so that he can remember what being a true winner feels like. 

We know this may seem like it was thrown together. Sorry, we were too busy putting out a paper every day of the week to waste time on this. Not that y’all would know anything about that.

We’re gonna be real with y’all — this was very exhausting. Trying to come up with talking points is hard because most of y’all’s issues stem from the simple fact that y’all aren’t THE University of Texas at Austin. Oh, and thanks for throwing the horns down. It’s not like the most recognizable brand in all of college sports needs free advertising, but it sure as hell doesn’t hurt. Thanks, little bro. 

See y’all in Dallas.