I happen to live in a mixed flat. Admittedly, back at home in London, I lived with all women, and I loved my female space. But on telling American students that my flatmates, three boys and two other girls, all live together, there’s a reaction of bemusement and raised eyebrows.
Friend groups are often determined by sex. The romanticisation of the friends-to-lovers trope is heavily bestowed upon us in the media, and it negatively reinforces that platonic mixed relationships aren’t meant to last.
Ellen Alley, interpersonal communication Ph.D. student, discusses how stereotypical gender norms are embedded from a young age.
“A lot is socialized. There’s norms that we teach boys and girls that are different about how to communicate, what’s important, (and) how to use other people,” Alley said. “We teach girls that it’s important to have other people tend to your feelings, emphasize communication, whereas for boys … you shouldn’t show weakness, you shouldn’t express emotions. So, we see girls sharing a lot more information from early ages and beyond with friends, whereas we see boys doing more in terms of competition, including sports, (and) sharing less.”
Separating friendships by gender only encourages division and a lack of empathy, which may be linked to larger issues such as the rising view of the feminist movement as anti-male. Escalated by the manosphere on social media, in 2023, it was reported that 47% of Generation Z men believe that the feminist movement has gone too far. Even though men could feel closer to their female friends, they may be discouraged from even looking for those friendships.
For UT students, undergraduates may feel the need to join a fraternity or sorority to guarantee a social life. Especially with O.U. weekend coming up, if you’re invited as a date, there’s an underlying pressure of pending romance, which can feel uncomfortable.
“(It’s) problematic,” said Alley. “It’s hard to bring a friend, because then it feels like, okay, we’re sharing a bed together, we’re doing all these things, calling it a date. So I do think that kind of puts some pressure on things.”
Although UT has one of the nation’s largest Greek life systems, only 14% undergraduate students belong to a fraternity or sorority. While sororities and fraternities are the most recognized, traditional and gendered spirit organizations are becoming increasingly popular. However, there are plenty of mixed student organizations to get involved with, whether it be a pre-career org, intramural sports team or co-ed spirit org.
Emily Rokohl, vice president of Absolute Texas, explained the benefit of being part of a mixed gender spirit org.
“When it’s only one gender, it’s easy to make assumptions and maybe feel a little bit uncomfortable because you don’t fit in,” Rokohl said. “With a co-ed org … you just look around and everybody is so different. You can just tell that they think so differently, and they dress themselves so differently. And I think that is something that makes people very comfortable and … there’s always someone around that you can go run and talk to.”
UT encourages students to get involved and make the most of being here, so why limit your friendships to one cohort? Having friends with different backgrounds enriches your college experience. Let natural connections feed friendships, consider joining a mixed spirit org, a pre-career org, and leave space for everyone.
“It’s just such an empowering feeling,” Rokohl said. “All these people that are so different from each other can come together.”
Slimmon is a history junior from London, England.
